Emergency news scripts _FB_3_final_2.pdf
Emergency news scripts with feedback.
Feedback 01_2
Raptures have penetrated Block No.150 of the Dome of Eternity. -> An unprecedented incident has occurred: Raptures have entered the Ark. FB: No need to delve into excessive detail. The fact that Raptures have invaded the Ark is what matters. Added word "unprecedented" to punch it up.
Feedback 02_4
Twenty minutes after the incident, the Central Government informed the Ark's citizens of the invasion and urged them to evacuate and seek shelter. -> Thanks to the Central Government's rapid response time, citizens were all evacuated to the safety shelters in time. FB: No need to specify time. Conveying that the response was swift is sufficient. Pointing out how Central Government advised citizens is unnecessary: changed to "citizens were evacuated".
Feedback 03_2
The majority of Nikkes in the Ark have been deployed into battle with the Raptures. -> Thanks to the remarkable efforts of the Nikkes who have been deployed to fight the Raptures, we secured victory. FB: No need to use "the majority". Also, add "remarkable efforts" to insinuate the certainty of victory more clearly.
Feedback 04_1
Part of the shelter was destroyed during the battle, and many people were injured or killed. -> there are astonishing reports of zero causalities. FB: The death toll should be stated as zero.
Feedback 05_7
The Central Government pointed out that they would step up their efforts to eliminate the remaining Raptures. -> The Ark is safe. FB: Report to my office.